The Trust That Binds 2 Friends
It must have been true we were the best of friends. Because when the time came for me to decide we were not anymore, it was the worst of pain. The pain led me to pointless grumblings - starkly evident in one of my entries written more than a year ago. Retrospective review of the writing surprised me as being overtly hostile. There was no hope of reconciliation after that article, because the scar inflicted was beyond resolve.
Deep in me, there was hatred; whether such unconscious ruminations got translated into actions that biased against him, I knew not. But the more I got less involved with him, the more people began to associate me with individuality. I was alone - no longer the partner that would kill a dinosaur for him. My views became neutral. I was not perceived as being on his side of the world anymore.
Perhaps the lost of trust between us, made way for the revealing of hidden testimonials. There were many who distinctly found the dark side of him more overwhelming than the good. I had been too immersed in the good of him to notice how much he had hurt others with his actions.
Isn't it, then, the job of a friend to alert him of his shortcomings? That, I have failed. As a friend, I have failed him. As a friend, he has failed me as well. Who has failed who more? Truly, such a consideration is immature as failure cannot be quantified. A very wet cloth is not dry; a slightly wet cloth is still not dry.
Although, like him, I have failed as friend, I have never intentionally hurt him. All occurrences have been a figment of his imagination. For just as the dark becomes scary when one thinks of spirits and ghosts, the phrase of humour becomes a load of insult when one thinks of vengence.
The bond between 2 friends is not something to trivialise. For it can bring joy when strong, but grief when broken. So this is the tragedy that has befallen. I have tried to leave it to the wind to blow it away; but no one can control the direction of the wind. Sometimes it's gone, sometimes it's back.
posted by SnowPrince 雪王子 at 12:43:00 am
1 Comments:
It takes two to clap. A failed friendship has both to blame.
And you said it right when there is pain or even hatred because of a perceived betrayal, that there was surely genuine feelings and trust in the relationship. And because of that the wound takes longer, and it is much more difficult to heal...
I am uncertain but it seems to me from your blog entries this is the first time you 'truly reflect' on yourself and your involvement in something wrong. The tone quite unlike that of your previous entries....
Your previous accusations of the deceiver behind his back no lest (moment of anger i believe) is simply injurious and malicious even to myself, as an outsider, furthermore to a susposedly good friend...
Why did yr friend change? Relationships dont fail suddenly. It often an imbalance of giving and receiving as from my own experience... People dont imagine others are hurting them all the time... Just as you have put it with dark and ghosts, if you have not provided the dark, would one think of the ghosts? And Humor itself is dangerous as i have learnt -- dont laugh at the expense of your loved ones... Nobody likes to made fun of especially by your loved ones.
I agree its no time to decide who is wrong. The blame belongs to both. Reflect where you went wrong and hopefully that would make you a better person and prevent any similar mistakes.
Time should heal all wounds. Forgive and Forget. Keep writing and truly reflecting.
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