It must have been true we were the best of friends. Because when the time came for me to decide we were not anymore, it was the worst of pain. The pain led me to pointless grumblings - starkly evident in one of my entries written more than a year ago. Retrospective review of the writing surprised me as being overtly hostile. There was no hope of reconciliation after that article, because the scar inflicted was beyond resolve.
Deep in me, there was hatred; whether such unconscious ruminations got translated into actions that biased against him, I knew not. But the more I got less involved with him, the more people began to associate me with individuality. I was alone - no longer the partner that would kill a dinosaur for him. My views became neutral. I was not perceived as being on his side of the world anymore.
Perhaps the lost of trust between us, made way for the revealing of hidden testimonials. There were many who distinctly found the dark side of him more overwhelming than the good. I had been too immersed in the good of him to notice how much he had hurt others with his actions.
Isn't it, then, the job of a friend to alert him of his shortcomings? That, I have failed. As a friend, I have failed him. As a friend, he has failed me as well. Who has failed who more? Truly, such a consideration is immature as failure cannot be quantified. A very wet cloth is not dry; a slightly wet cloth is still not dry.
Although, like him, I have failed as friend, I have never intentionally hurt him. All occurrences have been a figment of his imagination. For just as the dark becomes scary when one thinks of spirits and ghosts, the phrase of humour becomes a load of insult when one thinks of vengence.
The bond between 2 friends is not something to trivialise. For it can bring joy when strong, but grief when broken. So this is the tragedy that has befallen. I have tried to leave it to the wind to blow it away; but no one can control the direction of the wind. Sometimes it's gone, sometimes it's back.
